The Struggle in Silence

(Written last April 1, 2013 3:35 pm at Jesuit Retreat House, Malaybalay, Bukidnon, Philippines)

It’s April Fools! It’s summer! But I decided to start my life with something that I don’t usually do during this season – SILENT RETREAT. Actually, it’s 5 days.

I can’t forget when I shared to my friends my intention of attending this retreat, I even invited them, but they sounded so different, and seemed to be not really that interested.

For days, I have been anticipating for this thing to happen. Holy Week has passed, and just in time for the season for my retreat to start – it’s Easter. The day before the start of the retreat, way back home, I was bombarded and filled with worries, anxieties, conflicts, and questions concerning myself, what else I can do for my life and most especially for my family. Without persistence, I may not be in complete silence.

But above all those dark areas of yesterday, I thanked God for the opportunity to be quiet, to be in silence, to be in peace, and to be with Him. I wanted this opportunity in order for me to compel myself to write down my thoughts as I take significant transitions in my life. Imagining life after graduation is very hard but knowing that you can lift all your worries to God is easy.

I was on trael track yesterday. I left Midsayap at 3pm with Pa and left Davao early 6 am today. It’s my first time to be in Bukidnon. Honestly, seeing the roads and the places going here, I think I will go back, maybe not as a retreatant but a visitor to the province.

I was astonished with the scenery I saw as we travel along the Davao-Bukidnon Road. It was something that reminded me of God’s majesty. God’s excellent mind and creativity.

But above all these stuff, I was down to an idea that I am here for a silent retreat, for 5 days. During the Introduction/Orientation, we were asked by Fr. Dan of what brought us here (Retreat). I answered…

“I am excited to try the experience of not talking to other people for 5 days. It is challenging. but what made me come here is the time for me to discern, knowing that I have already graduated and still my life is going on, I wanted to know God’s plan for me. I wanted to listen to Him. I wanted to talk to Him.”

Idleness is way different from silence. I maybe used of being idle and refer it as silence but now I know.

Silence is of presence and idleness is of Absence. 

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