This might not be the usual year ender blogpost because I am writing now on the 2nd day of 2023 (finished this on the 4th😊). It was intentional to post late (not on or before every Dec 31) not because I was just feeling sluggish but because I waited when I am ready (not wanting to give myself extra pressure this time).
I must say I waited until I was ready to write because 2022 was extra and exceptional! That after years of pandemic, staying in, recovering, building, 2022 has been my greatest life teacher. I ultimately learned so much, matured a lot and my growth has speeded up with all of the life happenings – whether my personal life, my marriage, my relationships, my career/work, my finances and businesses, my dreams and my faith in God. This year was mobbed with life’s crossroads & turning points!
Started 2022 bringing in with me a breakthrough mindset wanting to do so many things after 2-year hiatus (because who is not?). I was forward-looking that pandemic is about to end carrying with me so many plans – to open new businesses, to be back to traveling again, and to just hasten all aspects of my life. I was in a blast and so ecstatic! I was unstoppable.
But just as I was about to take off, Covid hit me few weeks after new year’s eve! I didn’t realize that I was still recovering on weaning from my medications and my emotions were a whirlwind. After Covid, I got diagnosed with GERD. It was one of the toughest times when I was sleeping on a sitting position because I’ll be coughing endlessly if I lie down. Then, allergic rhinitis with nasal drips came into my life making me have Covid-like symptoms and shoving me away from everybody. My chronic spontaneous urticaria went back getting me have anti-histamine every day. I was sickened and my time was filled with online medical appointments and lab tests week after week. I got Covid again then few weeks after I was positive with Dengue. All happened in the first half of the year. Then, my physical health – the relationship of myself and my body – was failing.
While struggling with my physical health, my marriage on the other hand was severely on the rocks that I and Franz were not talking with each other for almost 3 weeks that turned things tougher. That was the longest fight we had ever since. At the early stage of marriage, it seemed like our plans were not in synced making our future looked blurry. We were about to loosen our grips. That time my marriage – the relationship between me and my husband – was about to fail.
Then the biggest turning point this year was when we opened a business – a Korean cafe and just closed it after a few months. With innumerable things in between whether good, bad, happy, sad, wins and losses and with so many things going on my mind – creating new income streams, how to be better holistically, thoughts about my marriage, time-bound work activities and all others, my recovery was on a spiraling down. I didn’t see that it was just the start of a grand relapse of my depression. My mental health – my own relationship with myself – was about to fail.
Those comings and goings in my life were probably God’s biggest plot in 2022. These are when He showed to me the possible edges of my life so far.
- I had a relapsed of my depression and had a terrifying panic attack coming from a trauma which opened my eyes to choose myself, my health, my peace, my life.
- Our marriage was hitting the rock bottom and God reminded us with the reason why He bonded us with each other and to tell us to choose to fight for our marriage.
- During those times when everything else are falling apart – my health, my self, my marriage, my relationship with the people around me, my finances, my plans, when I can no longer understand the things around me, God reminded me to choose to be with Him and find comfort in Him.
With 2022, I learned that whenever there are trials along the way, we just need to embrace them – the pain, the downfall, the struggle as it may lead to REAL BROKENNESS.
Real brokenness is when God is breaking all our outer shells - breaking off the shells of independence, self-reliance, rush of hustling, and all other earthly things that prevents Him from coming in to our lives.
That sometimes, the very things that seemed to be the worst turns out to be the best blessing. As they say, the greatest trial can develop in you the greatest faith.
From the bottom pit, God did all the heavy lifting for me so I can rise and start all over again with Him. God showed me that He never left me and Franz and that He was just patiently waiting for us.
- He slowly healed my depression and panic attack with His promises of peace. I may not yet be fully healed (acceptance that there’s no such thing as 100% recovery made me grounded) but I am happy that I easily got out of medication and just managing it by myself for the past few months already.
- He strengthened our marriage with the sturdiest grip. I and Franz always talked about how amazed we are on how God transformed our worst situation for our relationship to be the strongest so far. We fight less. We talk more. We come to agree on many disagreements. Our plans came in sync.
- He told me all the answers to my questions through different people around me – my family, my friends, my colleagues who believed in me at work and in Him alone on His words.
God continuously provide us the things we need that sometimes, we asked ourselves how did we even got through it. God just planned everything according to what He willed and what we need to do is to trust Him and go along His pace.
Ending 2022, I am just overflowing with gratitude with God on making all things according to His will and for the blessings He never ceases to pour. Some of which:
- I celebrated 5 years at work and recognized as the best of what I do.
- I and Franz were able to travel and spent time in Boracay after 2 years of no travel.
- Learned how to open and closed a business from scratch.
- Took an almost “masteral” degree of entrepreneurship with actual on the job training
- God saved my sister from the wrong person
- First time to went on a Sunday mass as a complete family for no extra ordinary reason (e.g. burial, baptism etc.)
- Made a video surprise for Franz on his birthday
- Beach getaway during my 29th birthday
- Papa celebrated his 60th birthday.
- Franz got a better job on where he was happier and recognized plus better paying.
- A complete, healthy family with the dogs.
Though 2023 seemed to blurry and scary because of the huge changes that I and Franz will go through, I am confident and full of trust that God is just making way for His plans to happen for us.
Thank you so much for dropping by here on my blog. I have nothing but hopes and prayers for you and your family that God may lead and direct you towards Him and his amazing plan for you.
Happy New Year and God bless you this 2023!