Since I got to realize the essentials of my life, reminiscing those surpassed challenges and grasping every opportunity, I still don’t know what to answer this question.

This chapter struck me to different points. All the words invested were driven directly to my heart. For now, I know that I am driving with my life along the mainstream.

I was relentlessly driven by guilt as to how many times I cling to my past. I can easily say words of strength and pursuance of moving on, but doing it isn’t so. I can be one of what God said, “a restless wanderer on the earth”. I don’t know where my life is taking me on my next days.

Somehow, I am driven by resentment and anger. But there not much of it because I know myself of easily forgiving and forgetting hurts and pain.

I am strongly driven by fear. Most of the times, I avoid risks and remain to my comfort zone. Truthfully, this fear made me miss my opportunity of becoming a doctor.

Sometimes, I am driven by materialism as it was appended with the drive for the need of approval. I know myself and I know how vulnerable I am with my surroundings. This need for approval seemed to be my strong driving force that led me to different roads.

…and deep inside my heart, I really hope to live a purpose-driven life.

All along, I wanted to a simple and meaningful life. I wanted to experience the fullness of life with God, my family, my loved ones, friends and serve God by serving His people.

But the hard thing is pointing out the focus of my life. I don’t know what I really want. I am like a gyroscope – spinning around at a frantic pace but never going anywhere.

These line squeezed my heart the most, “If you want your life to have impact, focus it! Stop dabbling! Stop trying to do it all. Do less. Prune away even good activities and do only that which matters most. Never confuse activity with productivity. You can be busy without a purpose, but what’s the point?”

The motivation was gone with the wind.

I admit that I wanted to a create a legacy on earth. But this made me realized that eternal legacy is more important. We weren’t put on earth to be remembered. We were put here to prepare for eternity.

The realities above after assessing much of myself is difficult to accept. But as I get along with this journey, acceptance is needed to prepare for a purpose-driven life.

I know that my stronghold of every responsibility I carry lead me to many decisions that made me do things too much that cause unnecessary stress, fatigue, conflict, unused potential and unfulfilled life. Practicality of the life here on earth is also an issue. How others control my life is included too but…

I wanted to be guided. Controlled. Directed by God as to how He wants me to live this life.

For now, here is my prayer:

Lord God, I thank you for this opportunity to deepen my understanding as to how you want my life to be lived. I thank you Lord for the challenges that made me stronger and the difficulties that made me tougher. You know how much I yield to ask from you to direct my life and let me know my purpose. Thank you Lord for giving me this first step. Forgive me Lord God for always being blinded by the mistakenly driving force of life. I just pray dearest God for wisdom for me take right decisions and understanding to every situation. Dearest God, I humbly ask for your guidance to come with me as I get to know more of my purpose without resentments, hesitations and tiredness. Strengthen me Lord as I live a simple and meaningful life with You and your people. Amen.

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