Hey up! “How are you?”

It was a question that people when you meet on the streets or on the lobby will immediately ask second to saying hi! Right now, it was the toughest question that I hardly answer.

How’s my soul? How’s my living?

To tell you the truth, it ain’t fine. It ain’t fine anymore.

Why did I say so? I can list it down:

1. I failed to attend Mass as often as I wish to.
2. I felt so tired and restless for the whole month of September.
3. I forgot to take care of my body and got sick.
4. I got serious conflict during the activities conducted.
5. I made mistakes and disappointed a lot of people.
6. I wasn’t able to give my best shot on everything.
7. I spend lavishly on meaningless things.
8. I am totally KNOCK-OUT on everything!

Crappy things happened here, there, and everywhere. I can’t blame anybody else except for myself. I think this is the best realization I should take that I may breathe in all the lessons I should learn.

The ever-changing conditions of my life disregarding the affecting mistakes of others are what I relentlessly take in order to minimize causality and moral damages.

But I can’t deny the fact that relentlessly taking all the blame is drowning me, drowning me into the ocean of tears and struggles to wake up and feel that there’s still hope for me in this world. The challenges in my life are pouring hard and I’m sputtering not to get into the flow of rushing problems and downfalls.

Despite of deep desire of gaining more strength to move on, here I am stuck inside of my room and making up my mind that I’m becoming weaker and weaker each day.

I’m finding people to talk to. I planned to tell my parents and my friends. I started sharing. One dearest second mother of mine told me to feel all the pain. If I should cry then I should not allow my eyes to remain dry when in reality my heart is crying. I should feel the pain, experience the struggle, accept the challenges and give myself a consent to tell that I am truly weak this time.

It’s never wrong to be honest to ourselves that things are not always perfect because they are really not. Even more, it’s never wrong to commit mistakes in life. What’s wrong is how people can make things harder for them to move on by not forgetting these mistakes and not learning from them. Instead, others choose to live with these mistakes and to see life and the world like there’s no hope of seeing any rainbow after the rain.

Right at this moment, I honestly feel depression and I am trying to suppress this feeling and continue to live up a life in accord to my goal despite of the struggles. But still I believe that this battling time will pass and my God, my family, and the people who only trust and accept me and my imperfections will be there to help me to through thick and thin.

 

#fingers-crossed! #strengthamidstweakness

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• Make no mistake – ‘To err is Human’ (robinparsons.wordpress.com)
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