This was supposed to be written last Saturday, June 16. Unfortunately, tough jobs need to be done and I fail to post this blog.
It’s difficult to wait for so long for someone who would never fail to make you smile for little reasons arrived in just the right time. Someone who would share a simple thought to remind yourself to take care is already superficial when appreciated. I believed that for many times I remained tough and closed my walls to any possibilities and I even tried to fight against it and protect my heart from pain of loving. I’d just realized one thing. I am afraid to open myself again, to give more than what I can give, and to show certain people how I cherished them in my life.
I am afraid. Fears held my hand and never let me go for the longest time. I’d turn to my life’s pages wherein I can only read myself, my family, my friends and my dreams. I flipped fast and never look into the beautiful pages of love after the pain before was turned into a memory.
Days grow longer and it faded my smile and laughter. I can’t deny how I long to be with someone that will make me feel well taken cared of. The longing gathered my thoughts and bore a question that was never answered.
Days passed again. The time is running faster and my heart is beating slower.
When will I be ready again to share my life to someone?
I tried to capture a smile, and it was faked. I smiled telling that I am contented of what I have in my life. But I never felt even more complete for having them.
I prayed for answers of my question. I even asked for God to send me someone to be His instrument of his great love for me. Someone who will tell me that I am not alone. Someone who will accompany me to make my dreams come true. Someone who will see me as a better person. Someone who will accept me because I am just the way I am. Someone who will be there to help me see God clearer. Someone who will tell me that I am contented and I am already complete.
Many persons arrived and I kept on questioning God which is which. There are times that I said, “I am not yet answered but why I am already hurt.”
It was a way too long. When will I be ready again to share my life to someone?
So here I am, left with a friend and honestly, I never know where I am going.
But God spoke to me for consecutive days, and He told me not to be afraid. I just need to trust Him. It will always be painful when you love a person. But the pain is less when loving than those who chose not to love. He told me to open my heart and never fear. I asked Him, and he answered.
Perhaps, it might be a doubting decision for me, but I guess it’s never wrong to trust and show people how important they are into your life.
To whoever is reading this, I just wanted to tell you that you helped me to realize to see these things that I am afraid to look to. You challenged me to try things I tell myself not to do again.
I was afraid.
But I can tell now that I am contented and starting to feel being complete. I want you to know that you are already special to me.