2020: Equanimity

After a long discernment, I decided to share a very important phase of my life that totally changed me. For others, it should be kept confidential. But I think, God gave it to me with a purpose. And I’m thinking, this might be it. 

2019 was not really a good year. I ended it with resentment because of my struggles. Few days before 2020, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (Depression in layman’s term) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. And even before that, I learned that I have Endometriosis, PCOS and an emerging Myoma. On both major health conditions, I am still undergoing medications and regular check-ups as of now until I fully recover – hopefully in 2021. I will share a different blogpost about this story or you can send me a question if you want to more about it. I welcomed 2020 with recovery as my priority. I promised myself to take care of my well-being by all means.

2020 was all about recovery.

But God is full of surprises. God surprised me with the most beautiful change in my life in 2020 – marriage. I didn’t really see it coming but maybe 02-02-2020 was God’s perfect timing for me and Franz. After 13 long years of countless attempts of breaking ups, long distance relationship and genuine love and romance, we finally tied as one where the sky and the seas meet. I will again share a different blogpost about this story as this deserves as full attention. 💕❤️

But as the days of 2020 passed, it instantly became the year that everyone did not wish for. It was full of disappointments, isolation, frustrations and any kind of negativity you can think of – pandemic, calamities, deaths, famine. No one ever thought that in our lifetime, a pandemic can possibly happen and totally changed the world.

A lot of people might have hated this year. But for some, just like me, it has been one of the beautiful years I had in my life. This year gave me realizations and reminder that God is always there despite all of the negativity. I started 2020 so clueless with no absolute plans after going through a difficult phase. But God has His Greater plans for me and His timings are always the best and made it happen in 2020. And I am forever thankful of it. 

And not to forget the blessings we got this year is how God protected my whole family and made us all safe. I am overly grateful to God for keeping us through the pandemic with our stable jobs (Thank you Johnson & Johnson) and for making us continue our lives with no major interruptions. 🤍 

With 2020, I was reminded that, despite the chaos around and within myself, God is in total control of our lives.

My trust and faith to Him taught me equanimity that in the past years have been lost because of the noise around, the pressure and stress at work and in my life, and on how unforgiving I am to myself for every big or little failure.

2020 reminded us that in silence and isolation we find God. That with face masks on and social distancing, we might not be able to speak well to others but we can speak directly to Him. That in lockdowns, houses are transformed into homes and family is the most important. No matter how cruel 2020 may be for some, I hope you get to see other reasons why we should be more thankful of it. 

Praying for 2021 to be a better year for everyone and we pray even harder for healing for the whole world, not only from the pandemic but also from the pain, disappointments and anger inside all of us. And that in 2021, we recognized that God is in full control of our lives and we will learn to have equanimity – mental calmness in every difficult situation.

Wishing everyone a blessed year ahead. May God always be in your heart. 🙂


6 thoughts on “2020: Equanimity

    1. Joba Manaois says:

      Jazz! Thanks for dropping by! 🙂 Yes and in whatever you are going through right now, it maybe painful, but reassured that is part of His great plans for you! 🙂 Love you more! Stay safe always! 🙂

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