The title might be an overstatement for now, but I still don’t know where this relationship would truly lead me.
Franz and I are undergoing an adverse situation where it leads for asking spaces. As for me, I love him so much, yet my question is, ‘Is love truly enough?, Is it truly enough to endure all the longing for my worth and value for a lifetime? Is it worth it that I will hold on to the long years we have been together and the promises we made to endure all pain and not give up?’
Friends say, its a bit if martyrdom. On the previous year and 5 months of geting back together, I was holding on for a promise of change to be made. Yes, he did a bit. The change on his own self. The change of personal growth. But I was asking, where is the change for us? Will it still be the same that I needed to ask for me to feel my worth to him?
I don’t want to be hypocrite but maybe I have given so much for this relationship and it’s time for me to rest from enduring all the pain of asking, hoping and anticipating.
Yes, we are happy when we are together. It’s genuine happiness. But situation aren’t always like that. Life’s ironic reality will always be ready to confront us at times that we are ready or not. Long distance, arguments, criticisms, acceptance of failures, acceptance of mistakes and so on, so forh. I don’t say that I am best at handling it. I even admit that I even fail to fulfill my responsibility to him. That when I am so desperate I hae tendencies to say what I wanted and can hurt him. And many more things. I am not perfect. We are not perfect. Nobody else is.
But I don’t think imperfection is a valid reason for us not to handle this relationship well. It is how we handle our imperfection in order for us to handle this relationship well.
And maybe, with these spaces, we can be able to realize and learn how to handle our imperfection for us to have genuine happiness in our relationship in whatever situation life will throw at us.
But that is, if Franz is willing and ready to accept his imperfections and willing to learn to handle them for this relationship to last.
I just hope and pray that he will,