This lifetime is charged with a lot of my experiences – with family, friends, school people, government, church, environment and society. Basically, we don’t bother ourselves of thinking its unusualness. We wake up in the morning, and end it finishing our responsibilities. Nevertheless, it’s  a whole thing that I got to ask when I end up my day and wake up for a blessing tomorrow.

We always interact with different species. Yes, I deliberately mean species because I don’t just refer to humans alone but also to anything that maybe existing around us.  We interact and better yet find out more about our ourselves, learn from it, or just as because we are opt to do it or whatever reason you can think. But my point is, we interact with others because we knew  that we have plain reasons behind and not just going where the water is going.

Years and months ago, where I end up living alone – literally alone where I had to feed myself, learn by myself, walk by myself, think of worldly problem by myself, cure myself from a damaging sickness, comforting myself and even talking to myself. But hey, I am not paranoid or something. It is just that I find comfort at the same time security and peace whenever I am into this cycle.

But, this case has always been disheartening to me. I am aware how this isolation changed the views I look forward to. I am seeing this as damaging as how I see people as I started to live this kind of life.

It’s the trust that I lose.

It’s building trust that I think is impossible.

It’s the fear of getting hurt that jumped into the scene.

I always bear in mind what my father told me before, “Never trust any person, at times even yourself.”

Many people react to this, even me too when I first heard of this. I grew up with optimism and determination. I grew up not giving up when everything is falling apart. But, it is finding  in every defeat that you can never just trust yourself to succeed in doing things that you’re not up to do. And it is because of human nature – being free to judge, self-relief and living with any type of ego, that we can also lose trust to other people.

My thoughts are mine and I am thinking that you are getting so much query reading this. This painful truth drove out my willingness to interact with family, friends, school people, government, church, environment and society. Yes, I strongly believe that this human nature will always be there and I have to live up with this. Hence, there is a string in me telling me to hold back, hang myself and never stick to anything. However, this is a haggle of  my thoughts of living more than just existing.

I hate it when people get to see themselves understanding me more than I do. I  hate it when people act as if they see my nerves and the blood that runs to my capillaries. More on, I hate it when they exercise their freedom to judge implying to curse you at no grounds and get this damn judgment into the headlines. What is more painful about this truth? You cannot get just accept that people doing this right behind you is the same people to whom you started to in bank your trust. Yet, they judge by no means as if they don’t have their own weakness and unseen disabilities.

See? It’s human nature. It’s part of life that we always are fighting for and thinking there are still hope to change this. The painful truth on this reality is we must end up finding ways not to cure this sickness but I cannot be cured but rather, know how to stand against it without getting any scratches.

I remembered what my teacher told me and how it changed my corporate views and added something to my “trust” views. “There will always be people out there who will succumb everything from you in order to get your place. Just like you finding your ways to see more of yourself and excel, they themselves are also finding means to pull you down from the staircase.”

I may sound defensive from getting hurt and not the type of risk-taker, still it is protecting myself from any attempts of people attacking my vulnerability. I have seen cases people suffered because of other people. I don’t even wanted for it to happen to me especially to the people I loved.

Hence, I still have my religious principles living in my heart, mind and soul. I always keep up my life living to impress only God and not other people but instead, proving to them that they are basically running with the wrong thoughts. I may sound stereotyping, but basically, there is only a certain number of individual you can always consider near and true  to you and there are a large number of individuals who pretends to be considered near to you yet is already starting to step on your feet.

People may judge you based on what you do and what you say but basically, you must not care because they’ll never be on the same road and view to where you are standing. This world is struggling and only the fittest will survive. Lame hearts will stop beating and immediately die but those who strengthened them with faith will survive.