Hello there! I missed to post these past days because I was not on the verge to keep my thoughts into words and share it to you by then. Nothing is pushing me to write down my emotions and let it out from the inside. I find myself so disoriented days ago. I don’t know why but a lot of things keep on bothering me in every situation I am into.

I get to ask, “Where in this world I am placed? Am I that purposeful kind of person? Is there a need for me to get along with others and find myself with them? Why do people tend to be the way they are? Like why?” I don’t know. Many things are running around my mind and it’s making me dizzy. I hate it every time I feel like this, plus the tiredness I feel at work, added with the loneliness and the urge to go home, plus the disappointing stuff you get to know, oh my ….. This ain’t funny anymore.

I’m trying to make myself enjoy my every day as possible. I’m trying to forget those anxieties. I’m trying to give myself a leisure time to think and think over.

“Am I really that serious? Am I really that boring? Am I really that anxious? Am I really that wrong just as the way I am? Am I not that acceptable because I personally don’t show people what they should deserve to be treated?” I mean like, why on earth is being like this.

This morning I woke up earlier than expected. I don’t feel like going to school. I don’t feel like going to work. I don’t feel like living this day just for no reason at all. I felt so useless. I felt so – nothing.

Just as then I scan the book I gave to my father. I read the portion about self-worth and I’ll share it to you..

He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy…

Underline the word perfect. Note that the word is not better. Not improving. Not on the upswing. God doesn’t improve; he perfects. He doesn’t enhance; he completes…

Now I realize that there’s a sense in which we’re imperfect. We still err. We still stumble. We still do exactly what we don’t want to do. And that part of us is, according to the verse, “being made holy”

But when it comes to our position before God, we’re perfect. When he sees each of us, he sees one who has been made perfect through the One who is perfect – Jesus Christ.

Furthermore, I think God just didn’t want to let the day pass without answering the questions I have in mind.

“People should think of us as servants of Christ, the ones God has trusted with his secrets. Now in this way those who are trusted with something valuable must show they are worthy of that trust. As for myself, I do not care if I am judged by you or by human court. I do not even judge myself… The Lord is the One who judges me.”

– 1 Corinthians 4:1-4

Even more I get to tell myself, “Why then should a person make something for people to appreciate him?” Just as a thought I pondered, a person don’t need to lift or degrade himself up or down just to be befriend with other people. You don’t need to push yourself to be liked by others. You don’t even need to boast for what you have or get a shame of yourself  for what you do not have. Real persons, those who are loving and caring, sees your heart and your heart alone. They are a few of them. Many are trying to be one but numbered are those who are real. Always live your life the way that you will please God and not to please other people. Other people’s words about you may scorn you but God’s smile for you is always the thing that you must always think too.