It’s been more than 3 months that I have not lived with someone I treated so special who has the commitment to live with me as special to him too. For 3 months, I remain strong and brave to give myself the satisfaction that I alone can give. For 3 months, I have contented myself to live with the care from my parents and true friends. For 3 months, I escape myself from tears, hurt and pain. But that 3 months were not as easy as what other people could think. They may say I were not really affected of losing someone who once became a part of my life and many times became my life.
But the truth is, deep within this fun-loving soul, behind these influencing smiles and laughter, still it is so hard to move on and let go of something you treasured most, something that you never thought that you will lose someday, something that promises to be with you until the end of your days, something that keeps my heart beats extraordinarily.
Even if I try to deny, I try to escape, I try to run away from the truth, still the memories and incidences keep me reminded of how I miss someone. The times that you take care of each other. The times that he made me smile. The times that he made my dry. The times that he made me feel special. And the times that he taught me how to be strong in letting go an important thing in my life to become stronger. I admit that before, I always have those regrets in my mind of why I tend to decide for many times to let him go. But now, I realized that I should not have regretted a lot. It is that because of letting him go, it made feels so proud of myself now. I made something that I can’t believe I can make it. It has been one of my greatest achievement to win over with my disastrous emotions and feelings. To be able to follow my brain and not my heart over love. To advocate what is the right and the good thing to do.
Above everything else, there is this one sure reason that I know why for almost 4 years we still end up separated. God has another plan for me and for him. And I bet, those plans He has for us has not included the each of us in it. 🙂