Time flew so pass that the last post I made was still about my idleness here in the house. Right now, I got a goos job. I explored 1/4 of my country. Had my car. Bought things I was deprived to buy when I was young. Eat good food. Stay in good hotels. Have a vacation. Despite the wish granted of good life, the things I cherish are trembling so hard. But at this point, I’m glad it’s quite better than the previous days. Family’s breaking. Relationship’s breaking. Friendships are longing. And my relationship with God is stumbling at times.
At some point, I am glad for the changes and improvement in my personal life, I mean the abundance. But the emotional part, it’s drowning. I can’t deny, but thw brokenness around me affects me a lot that I wanted die right away because I’m losing hope. I’m attaching to false positivity and hopes. There’s something wrong and I’m seeing it on my own. I refused to give. I refused to share more. I hurt the special persons in ny life. I’m tired of all those accusations. But I just want to lie down, die for a while as if the world’s problem, my turf’s problem will be gone.
It saddens me everyday how the work stress and emotional stress both killing me. I wanted to be free from these. Cry out myself and come back to rise again when I can. I wanted a build a new positive life stronger than any problem I can face. Build a better person, mentally and emotionally strong, pure hearted, loyal, humble and loved. Humble and loved in a way that I can still feel my worth and value.
It’s gonna be way too long and hard. But I’m pursuing. It’s about time to face the immaturity hiding in the mature image. It’s about time to defeat the weaknesses inside the soulful and strong body. It’s about time to realize that despite the world is gettig worst. It is still a good place to stay.