Fear of Glad

Friday, September 25, 2009 at 6:33pm – Facebook

As for my lifetime, I was used of doing silly things, fond of smiling, tend of laughing, likes giggling, loves grinning. Silly, odd, autistic, half-way crazy, that’s what I actually visioned of my own self, and that’s what people I know knows me most of. But we can never hinder time to move on, we get learned, we get to know different things, we realized. Beyond those fond thing I get myself indulge of, I had this fear within me, fear of how I really wish is not true and hopefully will not come true. Know that wheel of life? what about “what goes round comes around”? How about the 3rd law of Newton stating, “for every action there is always an opposite reaction” Isn’t it threatening ? Isn’t it fearing? For others may not, but for me, it may and it is. I were doing those things without even wondering what may happen next, but as I grow up, laughter, smiles, giggles, grins, threatens me more than any bad luck will do, it’s more than any unexpected happening which may or may not be good enough for me. The thing is, I don’t let, and I don’t want to keep myself superbly drown to so much gladness and fun, because I know, and I thought that something hard can pay it in return. It could be sad, depressing and even worst, sorrowful and heart-breaking. I myself is used then of taking risks, enjoying a lot without caring for what something next may happen. I don’t want my smiles are repaid with tears, even my laughter with frown, my giggles with uncared, all else, I never wanted my glad turn to sad.

Sharing an unjust thing I made for myself. I was once playing, having fun and enjoying, and suddenly ‘repaying’ got into my mind, I abruptly sat down and keep quiet in the middle of fun. How I wish it’s not true, how I think it was never been also a dream, how I wonder when will it going to become unreal, how I really no FEAR OF GLAD is really existing..

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