At times, we don’t know when the ‘realization’ arrow hit us on the head, on our heart and make us feel so sick and tired of what’s happening in our lives. It’s just that it hit me now and made me though of something.
For almost 4 months already, I’m staying here in our home without earning for a living. I have plans, yet at some point I haven’t at least tried to make it work because of hesitations. I just waited for things to come along with me. Sometime in November few days after my birthday, I received a call from the previous company I applied to yet turned them down because of other company which hired me. I have been interviewed for the 4th time and waiting for their confirmation. I don’t know if they are going to call again or what, but what I kept in my mind is to not to look forward for it to happen.
So, what will happen next?
I just thought of myself being confined here in our home. Nothing to do, nothing to be proud of myself. It is very ironic of who used to be. I wanted to explore the world. I wanted to be busy. I wanted to enjoy what I am doing. Yet, here I am sleeping, surfing the internet, watching movies, eat, cook, read books in every day of the almost 4 months. My dream of becoming a Pediatrician is slowly vanishing for some reasons of no support from my family and maybe, I thought of it’s impossibility then. As a whole, I just wanted to recharge my life, be in a new world and explore more opportunities.
I am strongly attached to my family, to my relationship. I can’t go on with my life because of the string gripped in me. I know that homesickness is one of my weakest link but I wanted to grow. How can I overcome homesickness if I am not trying to overcome it? I wanted to loosen the grip. Take more chances. Live the way I should be. Free. Spontaneous. Adventurous. Commit Mistakes. Learn from them. Rise Stronger.
It ain’t anybody’s responsibility to make me happy. It is my own responsibility and I wanted to fulfill my responsibility.